Well, it's been several months now, and we are pretty well settled into our new home (moving 2 times in 3 weeks, 3 times in less than 6 months is no picnic, let me tell you!). Steve still doesn't have a steady job (and mine is only part-time), which is a huge concern, but God has been providing. Financial uncertainty, as usual, causes me to reflect and often argue with God about His provision. Do you ever find yourself arguing – or at least spewing out your side of the argument – with Him? I do it a lot when I'm not happy with something in my life. The general gist generally seems to be along the lines of, "Look God, your word says xyz, or You've promised this or that, and I don't see it. Why aren't you taking care of this?" Of course, what I really mean is why aren't you doing it my way, or taking care of it in a way that I can see the results now. Now, or my way, is usually what I'm trying to get.
I know we are told in Scripture that we will have struggles, and God is with us in them, and He has it under control. And I do believe that, and trust Him, but it is very hard to be patient and wait on His timing, and His way. Patience is probably my biggest struggle, along with fear. All the what if's. It's a constant struggle between faith and fear and trust and impatience. I know I'm not the only one with this struggle – I think it is pretty common to just about every person of faith to one degree or another.
After a while of arguing and complaining I generally get back to a place of rest in faith and trust, and let it alone – until the next time the fear or impatience gets the upper hand. Isn't it wonderful that we have a God that is big enough and patient enough to let us express our feelings to Him honestly? No matter what they are, He is big enough to let us get it out of our system until we can once again rest in His peace.
Thank you Lord for your endless patience, understanding, and compassion. Thank you that you never let our bubbling emotions – even the negative ones – turn You against us. Thank you that Your love is big enough to take all our complaints and doubts and even anger and absorb them and leave only Your peace when we truly let go and let You be You. In Jesus' name, Amen.
Kathy
Two concepts that seem to be odd companions but I think you'll see my point in a minute.
Have you seen the Volkswagen commercial with the small boy dressed as Darth Vader? He spends the entire commercial trying to use the Force to control things, anything, without success.
Isn't that a lot like us? We think we have some gift or skill and try and try to make it work for us but it doesn't. Somehow we think that our life would be better if we could control everything (anything?) in our world. Jesus tells us that we can't control our world but we can give ourselves willingly to the Father, and give up on our ambition to be in control. Life works better that way.
I thought the commercial was cute the first time I watched it (I didn't watch the Super Bowl, I watched all the ads on YouTube 
). I was talking to my parents and the commercial came into conversation somehow and I was describing it. My mother said, "Oh! That was what that was all about!". See, she had never seen Star Wars (yes, she leads a sheltered life) and the commercial's message was mostly lost on her – it wasn't relevant. I'm afraid too many times our Christian message is not relevant to those we try to share it with; we use words and images that our listeners aren't familiar with and we lose them.
But isn't this again a control problem? We use "Christianese" to seem holy and pious and to control our relationships with non-Christians and we might as well be speaking a foreign language to them. What really is relevant is not our words but our actions. If we truly believe that God is love, we must love. We can't force them into understanding, but we can love, and pray that understanding comes from the Father'.
Abba, Father, help us to give up control. Make us see everyone as You see them and help us to love them as You love them. Then, Father, we may be truly relevant to a world so in need of love and understanding. Amen!
Be well (and may Grace be with you),
Steve
I've written before about different facets of my struggles with doubt and lack of trust, and my belief that we all struggle with different aspects or levels of this. But is it God we are doubting, or is it ourselves?
A devotion I was doing had some questions about doubt in Christ's or God's ability vs being convinced of our own worthiness or ability. It got me thinking along a slightly different track regarding trust, and I realized that at least some of my own struggles have been a result of self doubt. In pondering the matter, I recognized that it isn't God or Jesus' ability I find myself doubting,but rather His willingness to act when I ask. whether it is doubt in my ability to discern correctly what God is wanting to do in a situation, or because I doubt that I carry enough "weight" to get God to respond to my prayers, it still comes down to self doubt, more than doubting God.
It's really amazing to me that I can still have such deeply entrenched self-doubt when I have had vast amounts of evidence, both from scripture and experience in my own walk with Him, to – one would think – convince me that God will hear, and that my prayers do move Him to act, because He says so. Do you find yourself in the same position? I think we all need to be reminded of how very important we, as co-heirs with Christ and chosen as God's children, are to Him. Scripture is full of such reminders if we will only pay attention when we read it. It is also helpful to think back over the answered prayers, the times we have felt His presence and/or His love, and any experiences we have had of His active work in our lives. List them, if that helps, and read back over the list often. I'll bet your list is at least as long as mine, if you just think about it. Each of us has a very special place in God's heart, and He, like a doting father, wants to bless us when we ask.
Father God, help us to remember that each one of us – me, I – am your favorite child and you are eager to move and act and give in response to my prayers. All the time. In Jesus' name, Amen.
Kathy
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