Well, it’s been several months now, and we are pretty well settled into our new home (moving two times in three weeks – three times in less than six months is no picnic, let me tell you!). Steve still doesn’t have a steady job (and mine is only part-time), which is a huge concern, but God has been providing. Financial uncertainty, as usual, causes me to reflect and often argue with God about His provision. Do you ever find yourself arguing – or at least spewing out your side of the argument – with Him? I do it a lot when I’m not happy with something in my life. The general gist generally seems to be along the lines of, “Look God, your word says ‘xyz'”, or “You’ve promised this or that, and I don’t see it. Why aren’t you taking care of this?” Of course, what I really mean is “why aren’t you doing it my way, or taking care of it in a way that I can see the results now”. Now, or my way, is usually what I’m trying to get.
I know we are told in Scripture that we will have struggles, and God is with us in them, and He has it under control. And I do believe that, and trust Him, but it is very hard to be patient and wait on His timing, and His way. Patience is probably my biggest struggle, along with fear. All the what if’s. It’s a constant struggle between faith and fear and trust and impatience. I know I’m not the only one with this struggle – I think it is pretty common to just about every person of faith to one degree or another.
After a while of arguing and complaining, I generally get back to a place of rest in faith and trust, and let it alone – until the next time the fear or impatience gets the upper hand. Isn’t it wonderful that we have a God that is big enough and patient enough to let us express our feelings to Him honestly? No matter what they are, He is big enough to let us get it out of our system until we can once again rest in His peace.
Thank You, Lord, for Your endless patience, understanding, and compassion. Thank You that You never let our bubbling emotions – even the negative ones – turn You against us. Thank You that Your love is big enough to take all our complaints and doubts and even anger and absorb them and leave only Your peace when we truly let go and let You be You. In Jesus’ name, Amen.